A long story about cashew man
Jesus Christ I love cashews.
Cashews are immaculate. Their immaculately tiny yet nutritious bodies make the perfect snack food. In addition, the extremely subtle salt and seasoning coating on the outside creates this dynamic flavour that completely alters everything. When you eat a cashew, you don't just eat it. Firstly, you inspect it, praising it for the glory and well-rounded shape of the nut. Then, you smell it, absorbing the minuscule particles of godlike cashew seasoning through your nostrils, and into your nasal cavity for you to recognise the scent as a seasoned cashew. This step is important as it prepares you for the following stages by putting your entire body, including but not limited to: your mouth, stomach, intestines (jejunum and ileum), large intestines, tongue, eyes, and toes; it puts them into a state ready to absorb the densely-packed nutrients, polysaccharides, and micro-nutrients present in the small nut. After the full body preparations are complete, we move on to phase 3; Ingestion. This marks the crucial beginning of the cashew-body system and how they interact. The salty cashew is gently planted in the mouth, right onto the tongue, as to incite the taste buds with it's saline exterior to do the work. The teeth then grind the lovely golden-brown morsel into small bits of food; nutrient packs called bolus. After this, it goes down the esophagus into the stomach, where the nut is turned into absorbable components for the body. After the stomach is finished with the delicate load of the cashew, it is passed to the small intestines, and all the nutrients from the cashew (monosaccarhides, lipids) are slowly squeezed out of the chyme, like a wet sponge full of delicious Kool-aid being wringed right into a parched mouth. Finally, the salty exterior, along with any other micronutrients, are handeled delicately and absorbed in the large instestines. The cashew is now you. You are the cashew. The cashew and you are now one entity, a cashew-body monad consisting of you and the cashew. There is no turning back now, for you have gone too far past the point of redemtion. Resistance at this stage is futile. Give in to the cashew and accept it's integrity; it's very lightly seasoned exterior, the densely-packed nutrient package, the perfect edible and absorbable size of the nut. You have now become a cashew person, spending every dollar you earn on buckets of salted cashews. Your house is filled to the brim with bulk buckets of Buy one Get one Free cashew containers. Your family has tried to "help" you, but they just don't understand what you have seen, for you have seen the face of God. You have tasted Heaven, and are determined to find your way there, no matter how many goddamn cashews it takes. You will no longer stop this rampage.
It has been 2 years since you have started your cashew diet. You have been living on nothing but seasoned cashews. You are extremely pale and overweight, but that doesn't matter anymore. A fragile body is a small price to pay for the absolute and eternal bliss of the cashew. When the time comes, and the Lord above deems it fit for Judgement day to occur, you stand proud in your cashew-filled house that you will by whole-heartedly accepted through the gates of Heaven by the Lord Himself. There's no doubt about it, you've put all this effort into your craft. Now all you need to do is wait and prepare your mortal body for Him. Time is but a grain of salt on a cashew, and you are the cashew master. You learn the ability to telepathically manipulate cashews with your mind. You can now eat cashews without even moving a muscle, only increasing your efficiency. You start a cashew religion, sharing your discoveries and promise that God will allow all cashew eaters into heaven. At first, they are weary, but you remember they are just regular people. They haven't seen what you have seen. If you show them what you have seen, they would surely become overwhelmed and possibly die. So you give them just a taste, a lick of the cashew. You don't control by fear, you are simply showing them what will happen if they do not follow the path of the cashew. People are gullible at times, just as a cashew is.
As your religion prospers, the world begins to shift. Everyone fears that they might not be equipped to meet God, which you obviously abuse to manipulate them. They are but sheep, after all, and you must guide them back to their cashews. Cashew businesses and farms are overwhelmed with everyone buying cashews, so prices skyrocket. Eventually, societal change does its thing, and places that were once useful, like old buildings and wheat fields, are slowly converted - broken down, like a cashew in the stomach - to be a cashew farm. If an open space is not being used to grow cashews, what is it's purpose then? Nothing. Nothing matters anymore, except cashews and light seasoning. The world, entrapped by the fear of the Lord, continues to grow cashews indefinitely for what is know as the "Cashew Era". No one steps up to challenge the cashew ways of thought, for they would be smited for their deviance. Everyone lives in fear and selfishness growing cashews in hopes that they might once be let into Heaven. You have become an Idol among the Cashew religion. You are the Jesus Christ of cashews, a Jesus Cashew. The people listen to you blindly, and you have complete control of all cashews with your telepathic powers. No one dares to defy you for that would mean a defiance against Cashewism. This period of time lasts indefinitely for as long as you are alive on Earth.
As you grow old and even more fragile, you begin to lament of the past. You remember friends, family members, work colleagues, all old faces. You miss spending quality time with them, enjoying life and making lifelong memories. However, friends, family, colleagues, they are all just another person you had to push through to Ascend to the heavens by the Cashews. You wonder if what you have done was worth it. Losing the only people you loved - and the only people who loved you back - for Cashewism. But momentary pleasure can never triumph over infinite happiness. A lonely mortal life was a small price to pay for an eternal life in Heaven, being welcomed by the Lord Himself as he praises you for your intense efforts. You truly are worthy of Ascension. You shed a small, salted tear, it’s reminiscent of what you once loved, your journey has come to an end. As the tear hits the floor, like the many cashews you’ve dropped before, you can’t help but think if it was worth it? Yet, you realise that it indeed was, as all those years of eating cashews have brought you here in front of the Lord. You see the light, yet it is shaped like a cashew. Your broken frail body crawls towards it, as you call out His name. This is the end. You have made it this far, struggled so hard, and now it is time to rest. You did good. You did more than good, actually. You made them all see the truth of the Cashew and now your time has come. Everything turns white, like the salt on a cashew. Yet you are a mortal, and you do not know what to expect on the other side. The thought makes you scared. This is it. You have worked your whole life to get here, and yet you are timid to continue. Yet you must, for as long as cashews grow and people are born, time moves on. You cross the boundary and hope.